What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 03.07.2025 00:58
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Was to survive, this bastard.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
'Club World Ca$h Grab': Players don protest shirts at pregame - Sounder at Heart
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im still living with it.
So, i spoilt her more .
Scouting Drew Allar: Penn State quarterback similar to Joe Flacco - NFL.com
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
What did i know ?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
High-Average, Low-Slugging Hitters Are Back, and Baseball Is Better for It - Sports Illustrated
I was seconnd youngest,
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Super-magnetic dead star throws a violent temper tantrum as NASA X-ray spacecraft looks on - Space
(And it was in our own minds.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Ive learnt so much.
Can we buy cheap whey protein from an Amazon brand like Nakpro Power US? Is it safe to eat?
But, we were locked up after school.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What drivers said at Pocono after Cup race won by Chase Briscoe - NBC Sports
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Mondo Duplantis breaks pole vault world record for 12th time - NBC Sports
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
What is a challenge you never want to face?
I think the readers, may guess!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
How does it feel to be in a marriage without any love?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was 9 years of age.
Sam Burns leads US Open with 65 and avoids calamity at Oakmont - AP News
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
VIDEO: Breaking down Lions rookie DB Dan Jackson’s tape - Pride Of Detroit
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why is there a housing crisis in Europe?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I have no regrets .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My life is so biszare .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She loved him until the end.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I said to her
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
When she asked me how she looked .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She married twice! .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He knew the spot.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was very sick at this time too.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We were not on the streets..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I don,t even have a pension.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why did i forgive my father ?
It was going to be , some day.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She found it foreign!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One cannot live in the past .
Would this be the day?
All the time i was locked up.
My family never makes their pension either.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I couldn’t, believe it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I waited trembling.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
This is soul school!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was scared of men, in general
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Especially a lifetime of it.
We all went to grammer schools
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Put me off passion for life!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I will be 64.
And i lived it daily.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I write beautiful poetry .
Comes on , in middle age.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She wouldn,t have been !
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Who then, do I blame.?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She was in good health!
So whats the point in blame.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But it wasn’t much.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I did it because my mum asked me too!